"I came to test the SM by chance, as a student, I respond to the announcement of the friend of a friend who is looking for waitresses for sadomasochistic events: parties on barges and each year, a great evening in a secret place with huge dancefloors, demonstrations ... I look at some photos and I accept: the aesthetics of the environment pleases me a lot.I end up serving vodka apples to the population "encuirée". Really festive atmosphere and without big sexual tensions, I am sometimes offered, against money, to do such and such a thing.
I work well for three years. One evening, during a break, I am approached by a man who leads me to the "backstage"; he approaches me very simply, as a lambda young man would have done. No suit at Christian Gray, but always dressed in black. The conversation revolves around the SM, his practices, mine (total novice).
The next day, we have lunch together and he offers me, after long reassuring explanations and a very strange psychological interrogation, if I want to start a contract. He asks me, for example, if I am psychologically stable, if I discern good from evil, both from a physical and a moral point of view. I am intrigued, curious, his eyes seduced me. I tell myself that if so many people come to these events, it is that there is necessarily a source of pleasure in SM practices. I like him, I like him ... I accept.
I'm going to see him the next week. We establish the rules of contract (security word, accepted practices ...). Once signed, he announces that he is married and dad, gives me his place of residence, (different from where we are), speaks to me very naturally about his "other life" (his wife, his house on the banks of the Seine ...). I learn that he is 38 years old. He never drinks alcohol for fear of being unmasked. Nobody knows about him. He calls himself P. I can only contact him at certain times of the day (at 13:00 or between 23:00 and 2:00).
The sessions take place as follows: it is me who gives him the starting signal. You have to know that the submissive is actually master of the game. The master evolves in the space that she leaves him. Subjects decide practices, set their limits ... the contract serves that purpose. It serves to protect us and the master protects himself thus to avoid accusations.
However, I quickly notice that the concern of these submissive relations is that the Stockholm syndrome develops ... P. happens to create the lack, I become dependent. Then jealous of other "submissive", his wife ... He manages four submitted at the same time and also likes to compete (and it works). Very quickly, I feel in competition with others, without even knowing them.
During the sessions, sometimes we make love, sometimes no. When he does, he always uses a condom. Me, in parallel, I am obliged to take a contraception.
Pain gives me pleasure after a few sessions. The first time, I have the reflex to tell him, angry: "What are you doing here?" But after a few hours, it's okay, we get used to it, we get caught up in the game, we end up loving it. He is trying to push me a little further towards my physical level limits. When pleasure disappears and I am obsessed with pain, I order it to stop. My security word is "flute". The goal is to find a banal word, which sounds foreign to the conversations I can have with him, to recognize him quickly and act quickly if we must stop everything, detach, rest ... I'm never afraid because it is always concerned about how I feel.
He uses ropes, he ties me up, suspends me and hits me with a whip. I obviously have traces on the body but my master always makes sure that they are not visible when I'm dressed.
A session can last an hour, like an afternoon or a whole evening. At each disobedience, I suffer a punishment. We have fun disobeying each other. It is switch (the fact of being master and subject at a time) but I am unable to dominate it, it is the role of another submissive (the number 2 ... me, I am the number 4). Depending on who he has in front of him, he can be a stern master or a complete submissive.
When we start with a master, he "raises" us. Once "trained" (we know each other well, we follow his orders, advice ...), he offers us a necklace to put in each session. The necklace is like a dog collar, with a notch for a leash and a sign with our name. It is a reward that deserves, you have to be assiduous, obedient, friendly, not to make a crisis of jealousy ... Thus, one becomes official submissive. For my part, I do not get the necklace. It's very hard, you have to be available all the time. I see him one to three times a week. My master managed to move two of his submissives to live next to his "SM apartment".
Outside sessions, I am summoned to answer his SMS in the minute, I must send him pictures of my body, otherwise our sessions are canceled or he punishes me.
We see each other for long months, always in this apartment. Then, our appointments fade for two weeks for "personal" reasons, which he invokes. I go out of my mind at that point and put an end to the contract before it ends. Sometimes he recontacts me to propose a new contract.
I never talked about this adventure to my friends from everyday life. They are not aware, I doubt they are able to understand. Nevertheless, when, in a conversation, the subject is launched, I seem oddly very informed ...
Today is over and I do not regret anything. I found this experience rewarding. Violence in sex has become much more commonplace with porn. In the SM, in reality, it is a much more respectful approach to the other, to the recognition of the other as a person and not object, really. The only thing I find terrible is the fact that a man can really have a double life. It's because my master proved me. "